How God Changed My Life: One Country at a Time

I’ve been overseas for 11 months. I’ve traveled to 8 different countries, been on 3 different teams, and made countless new friends, and I have been changed because of it! This trip was an incredible adventure with God. He called me away from home in order to transform me and set me on fire for his kingdom. Every month and every country was a distinct season in my walk with the Lord with it’s own unique challenge and growth. Here’s how I met God in the nations!

 In Guatemala, I had so many exciting “firsts” that marked the beginning of a long process of life-change with the Lord. I heard from God for the first time. I learned how to discern His voice for the first time. I said goodbye to American life, luxury, and distorted Gospel. God showed me the possibility and promise of so much more than I had previously known. I found family on my team, and learned how to love them and trust them as brothers and sisters. We pushed together through illness, disagreement, and conflict resolution. For the first time, I learned about the power of the Holy Spirit and began to see evidence of the Spirit in my life. I was baptized in the Holy Spirit and set running towards new power and freedom. God set to work on my testimony, bringing healing and freedom from memories I had long buried. Little by little, I saw more of God’s overwhelming love for me and found more freedom in areas of anxiety and insecurity. 

In Costa Rica, I met the wall. In my own strength, I was fatigued by frequent spiritual attacks. I had to embrace brokenness before my team and my squad and rely on them in new ways. I learned to be vulnerable not just with my past, but with the raw, unprocessed struggles in the present. I learned about the spiritual realm and fought against very real darkness with my teammates- things like anxiety, lust, and generational sin. Jesus called me into greater imitation of him- how to choose to love and hold my tongue. When I was at my lowest, God showed me how to find the secret place with Him- a “place” of deep intimacy with Him and the ability to focus on Him even in chaos. As I started spending more time with Him, needy and broken like a child, I realized that everything I need is found in Him. He led me into deeper areas of emotional and mental maturity, challenging deeply-rooted lies and insecurities. I made a huge decision to come out of agreement with these thoughts and to leave them behind, choosing to find when they resurfaced instead of succumbing. Even though this battle is sometimes daily, I now know that I have the ability to say no. 

In the Dominican Republic, I bought into the freedom God had offered me in Costa Rica. Without doubt plaguing my mind, I heard from the Lord frequently. God spoke to me clearly and lovingly. In his perfect timing, the Father healed hurts from friendships and girls-teams- I learned how to love my sisters and be loved by them. He connected me with healthy missionaries with moving stories, who showed me the potential of a life fully dedicated to the nations. He worked to grow my faith and gave me opportunities to step into boldness. When I grew fatigued and had needs unmet, I rediscovered the secret place and reluctantly embraced brokenness yet again. 

In Turkey, I fell in love! I asked God to give me His heart for the nation, and He did. I fell in love with Turkey- with the people, the culture, the history, the food, the scenery. He taught me to love the nation like he does, and challenged me to pursue his children like he does. My heart broke for what breaks His. I saw a great need and wrestled with my purpose, but God showed me the beauty of abiding instead of constantly striving. I learned how to listen to and be guided by the Holy Spirit in day-to-day life. Sometimes that meant pushing and pursuing, sometimes it meant releasing and resting. I learned that I can’t change a nation, or even one person- God is the only one who can change hearts. He helped me bear the burden I felt in my heart, and gave me immense joy and peace in the midst of darkness. I was led into deeper surrender- reluctantly laying down my preferences, needs, and convictions for the sake of following Him and submitting to the body. We planted and went deep with new friendships. I left a part of my heart there!

In Georgia, I learned about faith and obedience. Faith IS obedience! God took me and the team on the adventure of a lifetime, with lots of twists and turns, and asked us to obey him in every step. He tested us to see how great our faith could grow. Obedience isn’t legalistic, it’s a natural response to God’s trustworthiness, goodness, and holiness. In Georgia, I learned about community. God taught my team how to carry each other’s burdens, physically and spiritually. We went to new levels of vulnerability and dependence with each other. The Church isn’t an option in the Christian walk- it’s our lifeline! Godly wisdom is so completely upside down compared to worldly wisdom, but it’s good for us to submit and obey. 

In Armenia, God felt far from me. I spent so many days pleading with Him, frustrated and discouraged and confused. I doubted His character and believed my feelings. But in this I saw the consequences of sin and doubt in my life. I felt that God was far from me, and I matched God’s distance with my own. I withdrew from Him and hoped for things to magically change. It’s not a complicated puzzle to solve: my sin separates me from God. “Even a small fox can destroy the vineyard.” Armenia will be a memory of “what not to do.” I learned the hard way that when God feels distant from me, it’s not because He has changed or because He is playing a trick on me. Instead of blaming Him, I’ve learned to turn inward to take stock of my own life, to repent of any sin and to preach truth to any doubt in my heart. 

In Kyrgyztan, I went to new depths of intimacy with the Lord. I had a once-in-a-lifetime retreat with God in the wilderness and I came back completely changed. I learned more about God’s character, His personality. Instead of just fearing Him as Lord and depending on Him as savior, for the first time, I fell in love with God as my Groom. God completely broke down my “religion” and shattered the box I had been putting Him in by showing me new ways to connect with Him and unique revelations of the Holy Spirit. God opened my eyes to the sin in the world and the world of sin in me, and what I saw wasn’t pleasant. For maybe the first time in my life, I really began to detest my own sin. I was driven to personal confession and repentance and intercession for the world. With our host in Kyrgyzstan, I found a friend and a home! Colorful leaves, hot chocolate on snowy days, cooking meals, and laughing together over board games felt incredibly familiar and cozy. Our month was all about discipleship. I learned that discipleship is about doing life with someone, “iron sharpening iron.” I learned that it is SO incredibly important to the Christian life. I learned to disciple and be discipled both within my own team and with our new friends. With only two months left on the race, my team pushed more for discipline and growth. New practices solidified into habits. Giving and receiving daily feedback wasn’t a chore, it was energizing and yielding great fruit. Choosing to love each other and do life together isn’t always easy but it’s worth it! For most of my life, I’ve been programmed to do things on my own; that complete independence is the sign of great maturity. But I don’t think that’s true anymore! 

In Jordan, things have been hard. Planning and preparing for re-entry to the states is heavy. My life for the past almost-year is going to abruptly end in a few short weeks. I have a lot of questions, a lot of concerns, a lot of emotions. This month has been testing, a simulation for me to put to practice everything I’ve learned this year before I go home. When I am afraid, I have to preach truth to my heart. When I am confused and questioning, I have to seek peace and comfort in the secret place with God- knowing that He will never change. Under my anxious thoughts, I have uncovered ugly roots of doubt, pride, and selfishness. Lately, things have been all about me: how I’m feeling, what I’m doing, what I’m going to do after the race, my hopes and dreams. I’m having to confess and repent of these things almost every day. During this last month, I am most thankful for my community, knowing it’s what I’ll miss most when I go home. Daily accountability with my teammates has helped me stay focused on the Lord and process through difficult feelings. Under increased pressure, my prayer life is transforming into a diamond! I’m learning how to talk to God about things that are hard to talk to Him about, and I’m practicing going to Him in the secret place no matter where I am. (Definitely something I am still learning.) More than anything, I’m working to trust God. Trusting God means submitting to His plan. It means offering myself to be used by Him. It means praying that HIS will would be done, not my own- even when His will is confusing, scary, or undesirable.  

As I look forward to America, I am holding tightly onto an unconditional fire for the Lord and for the kingdom. I remind myself that I am not leaving the mission field, but just traveling to another country just like I have all year. The God of the nations is working in America! He has amazing plans for healing and revival for OUR country, and I am excited to be a part of it.