Since being “Baptized in Power” (see my previous blog post), I have been living in more freedom and confidence than ever before. God is giving me appointments to share my faith with others and practice living in the new boldness He has given me. This has been a messy process. I have had to learn the hard way that the power in me is not my own- it’s the Holy Spirit in me. Operating in my own abilities, I can do nothing. 

During the first few weeks in Guatemala, God unexpectedly told me to pray and reach out to an old coworker. I was surprised when this friend responded and asked to Facetime about the the things I had shared with him. When we were finally able to chat, I learned that he has a New Age mindset and operates from a place of universalism and relativism. At face value, the conversation did not seem exactly fruitful. I felt stumped by many of my friend’s questions. I couldn’t keep up in the argument and debate. Everything I tried to offer seemed to bounce back at me. I left the conversation feeling like I had lost the battle, like I had let God down because I couldn’t do enough. Feeling like you let down the God of the universe is a really tough place to be. But God didn’t put me in that place- my own doubt and guilt did. Spoiler alert: God would soon redeem this story for me. 

Fast forward to training in Antigua. After a teaching about evangelizing with power, we went out in teams to practice. My fear was gone and my spirit was jumping in me- excited to get out there. In the central park, God highlighted to me an older man, who first stuck out because of his awesome running shoes. Turns out, this man had been secretly hoping I would come over to chat and tell him what we were all doing there. (peep his heart already softened)

*Luke and I ended up chatting for about an hour. I learned about his family, his travels around the world, and his desire to return back to Italy, where he grew up. I shared about my family, my schooling, even some of my testimony and how God led me to the race. I figured we wouldn’t be getting to the Gospel in this conversation. He finally stopped me, confused- “wait, what do you mean that God told you to do this trip?” Our hour of chit chat had softened his heart to ask about my faith and listen to what I had to say. He also shared with me what he believed in- an “energy” found in all things, universalism, and other components of New Age. HERE. WE. GO. Let me remind you, this wasn’t the old Mary- afraid and insecure. This was (and is) the new Mary who has no doubt and is walking in the power of the Holy Spirit. While Luke was speaking, instead of formulating my perfect response, I asked Holy Spirit to say what He wanted to say through me. When Luke finished sharing, I prayed over him, again asking Holy Spirit to speak profoundly. Afterwards, words of truth (that were not my own) started coming out of my mouth, and I felt zero inhibitions or fear. His eyes widened, and he was stunned. He didn’t have a comeback or repute, and he didn’t dismiss me. Holy Spirit spoke to his heart- all I did was open my mouth. In that conversation, I experienced the fruit and power of letting the Holy Spirit take charge and direct me, putting aside my agenda, my ability. 

I heard it explained by Tim Keller in a really unique way: God has created in the Church a ministry of tears and a ministry of truth. Sometimes the kingdom is advanced through empathy, deep relationship, and emotional response. In other times, it is necessary to actively cut through lies with God’s word. Jesus used both strategies throughout his time on Earth, discerning from the Father which was best in each conversation. In my Facetime conversation with my friend, I was frustrated that I couldn’t think of anything brilliant or insightful to say, but looking back, I can see that God was calling me to the ministry of tears- using my grief to move me to a place of fervent prayer. In Antigua, God utilized truth and directly spoke to Luke through me. 

This is something I still constantly have to remind myself. Ministry is not about me. God chooses to invite me into partnership with Him and His ministry around the world. So far in Jaco, we have been able to speak to so many people- tourists, beach-goers, taxi drivers, baristas, etc- each with such different backgrounds and worldviews. Sometimes, God wants us to pray for them. Sometimes, He wants us to share a testimony. Sometimes, He wants us to invite them to church, or buy them a meal. We don’t have to debate about what we should do- we just ask God in faith and He leads us as He wills. I can serve freely and confidently knowing its Him who plants each seed and brings its growth. Plus, it’s way more fun to watch God flex than for me to try to take the stage myself. 

^Luke! (not his real name :)

At this point, you’re all caught up on stories from Guatemala. More to come about our first month in Jacó!